"This is your last chance, biatch!"

This chaptered fic is AU and recommended with a bowl of bleach.



Zomg, I got spoiled in the first sentence!

we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs.

Wow, the vamps feast on BLOOD! Who would have thunk it?

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.

They have the same colored eyes! Topaz soulmates!.

when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty.
"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.
"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) “nice to met you i said.

Carlose, that perv! Jacob's affinity for him is becoming clear now...

Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.) he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans. i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me. OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths.
"WOT R U DOING??" i creamed.

Yes, please stop before she creams even more!

we had berger king 4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry.

Save an animal, eat at BK!

"SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?"
"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha." i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez. "edword sed he liks dese." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me. i sang tenagerz by mcr. den.

They're going to the homecoming togetha? OMG OTP!

I was gong 2 sleep dat nite when i got posesesd by Saten. But it was ok cuz were friendz n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke. I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie.

I see where the 'Psycho' in her name comes from.

"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust. "I cant beleve it, u nd Rose." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you."
"Yea rite like I beleve dat. We're getting a devorce!" I waz so pissed. But den Edward got on his knes n sang "If u mary me, will u bury me, will u carry me 2 da end?" Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred. We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder.
"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch." I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose in da hall. "Hey babez" he laffed. "Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me?" But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.

Think of her virtue!

When I woke up Deward was over me. "Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed into my ear. "Youre going to be ok."

Screwed into her ear? Now that's kinky sex.

So we took off our cloths nd you guyz can guess what we did (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter.) The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT.
"**** ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house to see what waz wrong. "IM PREGGANT." I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor. Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy."
"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE." I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood.

So her make-up is red and she bleeds black? It doesn't get any worse!

"Byt he way Twi, ur not pregg." I couldn't beleive it! He told me that he had gotten me tested and I wasn't going to have a baby.
"I'm so glad lol." I was crying with joy. We ditched skool and dropped out. We smoked drugs and alcolol outside and the prepz wished they were as cool as us. Things were getting back to the good way that they used to be and.

Let's celebrate the news by getting high and making moar babiez!!

"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."
I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it. Plus he was sleeping.
"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite.

An ugly old man or her sister? The resemblance is uncanny!

Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN!
"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"
"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.
Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.
"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man. I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths. Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler. A lot of other stuff happened and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez. We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.

She's fraternizing with le enemio! Divorce her, Ed!

Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us.
"Why would u do such a thing you-- you sick dirtbag!" I cried wearing a long black satan skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu over a black velvet bra with red skullz. Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.

She doesn't miss opportunities for quality description. Good writing, ur doing it write!

Link.